Life through socially constructed lenses: 2017

Friday, June 16, 2017

230. Capitalization.

«Капитализация»
Я до E, кроме как после ...
Это не правила.
Поскольку они начались с I,
США и размещение правильной любви.
Это как изм ...

Saturday, February 4, 2017

219. "No.".

It seemed to me that basically what I was doing was making my struggles artistic. ...But that was much better than what most expected, as they watched so many people make their struggles destructive instead. It surprised me those days, that a lot of people who wrote about this kind of pain, were actually causing it and inviting it.
I knew what rockstars meant when they said they had sold their souls...
I asked myself what part of this I caused...

...Then I remembered how many of this generation would struggle with writing really; since their struggle, had become more like striving, sans bloody hands.
A man, a bad one, told me once that the only growth comes from strife, the blood and that he would bathe in it. At least I understood his motives.

...I wondered what happened to the trials and the studies intended to teach such a man to strive to better himself instead, from inside. At least there was that, most evil was externally motivated, rewards from some entity that would never choose to give these men any power of their own. So, at least I could have written that. I did not choose to make these men feel any more effective by catering to needless fear, or pretending that they had any impact on the society, by bloodying one man and the women and children they tried to find around him. I guess they assumed some external good would come and help. These are known tactics, and a complete picture, of people who never did achieve the godliness they'd thought was extracted from others' pain.

...But I must admit I did take some satisfaction in watching them crumble under the weight of their own failures.

Now, men like this, simply fight other men like this. This I suppose was contractually agreed in some kind of spiritual way. Maybe, someday they would learn what it felt like.

As for me, I would bend, I'd admit I was callous...
...But the fight I brought myself, was to empower the future...
...Struggling versus Striving...
A lesson well earned.

Some of the other poets they say fuck Bukowski... ...Life isn't supposed to be a binge and purge lamentation about hard times, hard feelings, and the bottom of a bottle. I wasn't one who decided who would struggle with what. I just thought it would be better; if people motivated themselves, instead of prostrating their lives into some malformed bender in order to write it down, for someone else to reinvent.
The wheel could be reinvented, at least by virtue, literature was only invented through the new growing and changing of languages and culture. Something that suppressing love and pain with mediocre words of apology to one's own written self would never accomplish.
But it was entertaining watching people consider themselves powerful when they tried. People treated each line like a narcotic, a binge on self-admiration and casting out those lesser beings who couldn't write the color blue.
...It probably would have been a great study to instead watch these blue skies fall, and transcribe...

There were better things to accomplish those days, alchemy mostly, I could turn even the brown skies into a new kind of power and motion...

...But at least one did say so...
Fuck Bukowski. Yeah, I guess maybe he was right about that.